I’m a vegetarian now.

Yeah.

I’ve probably eaten more meat—and weird meat, at that—in my life than any of you. And I’ve spoken quite negatively about vegetarians in general. There was a point, I think, when I referred to them as sub-human hippie scum.

That was probably a week ago.

But I really can’t ignore the facts behind meat any more. It really is systematic torture. I’m still eating wild caught fish, and organic eggs and milk, but no meat. If I were suddenly stuck in the woods I wouldn’t hesitate to cut an animal’s throat and drink its blood and eat most of its flesh and organs. But I can’t participate in factory farms and gestation crates and antibiotics and hormones, etc, just so we can have Lunchables and shelf-stable bacon in our personal choice of grocery store—most of them within five to ten miles of our homes.

This doesn’t change the fact that vegetarians are a bunch of dildoes, and that vegans are possibly little more than a food source for other people.

But yeah. I’m a dildo.

At least I’m not Canadian.

Yet…